Perfected in Weakness

I thought of a bit more to say about my topic of yesterday.   I was focusing on one side of it... the side where I have grown kids who are doing fine and why it is not to my credit but to God's.

But last night I was awake thinking of the other side of it.   When all my kids were young I would  worrry about failing them.  I would worry about some of the things I was NOT doing that might hurt them later.  And guess what? Some of my worries came true.     There are a few areas where I can look at my five grown and almost-grown kids and think, Yep, in another house this might have been addressed better but in MY house it never happened or never happened very well, and my grown kid might suffer for it.

This is scalding to my heart, because whereas I can cheerfully hand the credit for the successes over to God, the failures I can't hand off so much, only feel Very Very Sad and Sorry about them.   This is a trial, because I would want to here the words, "Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant" someday and that spoils my chances, PLUS, I would want to have done everything good for my children and nothing bad because they are my kids and every parent, Jesus says, want to give bread and eggs to their children rather than stones and scorpions.

I suppose this is why humility is considered the foundation of the virtues.  It feels like having your face rubbed in the ground, but really you are the ground being tilled up and aerated and prepared to bear real fruit, not just do things that are good in a worldly way.

There is another case, where the child who has been loved and prayed for and cared for goes off the tracks or gets out into the world and has many, many struggles.   Most of the moms who have had this happen that I know are way, way holier than I am, which makes me think that God has entrusted them with one of His special lambs because He knows these mothers are the staunchest warriors down here, capable of  cooperating with God in one of the greatest roles in the Gospels, the role of the Prodigal Son's Father.  But it's very hard for them.  Very, very hard and painful.

So I was thinking about this last night and have no real revelation except that we all have to pray more for each other and for each other's children,  but I do think in general when you wake up in the morning the solution is exactly the same as before.  You ask for bread for that day, and He will give it to you.

"My strength is made perfect in weakness."

 I used to think that when my children went off into the world my job would be done, signed, sealed and stamped.  I should have known better, and I figured it out when Aidan was desperately sick and my parents and my husband's came to help, and stayed at home to keep vigils.  I am a mother indelibly.  The stamp and seal is on me.   It is my unique privilege to be tied by love to that child even when he has grey hairs of his own, though of course with my grown child I  no longer manage his life for him.

Well, I hope now I've considered every angle of the whole thing!

I was going sort of crazy with a photo editing app I found for free -- that's why the pictures look so odd.  Fun though!