And then one day........it hit me...... I just want to blog for me.....the way I always have.......like in my original blog, Our Hearts' Haven. I blogged there to share.....if anyone looked. But it really was all about me keeping the memories.....and letting my 91 year old grandma in our lives. I barely blogged there......at the most, a few times a month. I really wanted to blog more. Sharing a blog with Willa has made me more attentive to actually getting words (or hundreds of photos ;) ) to the computer, instead of just in my head. I appreciate that. The number of posts in my drafts folders just keeps growing and growing.......and growing. Possibly a bit overwhelmingly so. No. Not possibly. Definitely.
With Blogger's new way of looking at your list of posts on the dashboard, it actually shows the number of times a post has been viewed. Somehow in the old way of looking at stats, it did not bother me, the low numbers of viewing,.....but seeing just a 1 or a 5 next to a post touched me....it made me realize that it does not matter when no one reads my posts. It was an affirmation for me....this blog really is, for me, a place to keep memories of these years of our lives......whatever that may be: living our lives, homeschooling or literature thoughts, tons of nature photographs, prayerful times, spiritual enrichment, moments of discovery..........
For my family, these years also happen to include Willa and her family, either by phone conversations, social media or real-life visits. Sharing a blog seems like an excellent way to preserve those memories as well. I am thrilled to share this space with my friend.
Just recently, I was looking for a specific post at Our Hearts' Haven. I never did get to that post...... as I had run out of time........distracted by reading other posts for about 30 minutes. I found that reading that blog truly was a "walk down memory lane" and I am so pleased to realize that I have been keeping a family journal......even if it is only a virtual one......even if it is spotty at times. I often regret my lack of keeping a family journal so this was such a relief to discover. Phew.....I do have some memories........somewhere.
Edgar left a comment on a Strewing post. After visiting his wonderful, simple and pretty blog, it reminded me of how I have always blogged......all five years of it......sharing my thoughts and the beauty around me.....and the memories we make with our loved ones. I loved that. It was the journal I rarely recorded my life in. I think for me, I will keep that in mind while I write. I still want to produce all of our plans for the blog, and even though some of them seem like they are being written for an audience, I really am just going to keep thinking of this as an online journal.......one I am loving sharing with my dearest friend.
A funny thing is.........that I have no ego about whether our blog gets read far and wide, or is popular. I really am okay with just writing into the air :)...or, my journal, if you will. And if my pride ever starts to get involved, I squelch it......... because I want to just have it be an offering, to God really. He is the AIR, I guess. :)
But........after ten years of trying to figure it out........I think we have finally discovered that one of my primary Love Languages is Words of Affirmation (regardless of my kids' opinion.......Willa and I have hashed it out of me, finally :).... )........and when someone takes the time to leave a comment here......or even just become a stat for having read the post, I feeled "loved". I get those warm and fuzzy feelings. :) ......I just want you, the "audience" to know how much your comments and views are appreciated. I have already made a handful of new friends through this blog......a blessing, indeed. :)
So, the bottom line: my writings on this blog are just for me and my posterity......and apparently Willa's as well......since we are here together. I know that sometimes I will write to an "audience", but ultimately, I am going to stay focused on me, mine, Willa, hers, and God. I am going to bask in any comments we receive......because that makes me feel loved. I am going to ignore any lack of comments and attention, because ultimately........this is just my not so private-life-journal. :)
Just thinking out loud.....and looking for clarity in taking the time to blog.....
....hope I make some sense....... :)